Motherhood is…..

I had this activity to do for my college class. I had to choose a topic from a list I was given, and I chose to write about motherhood. Although hard and sometimes weird, it is the absolutely best thing that happened to me.

 

Motherhood is…..

I am feeling very groggy and tired. My heart is racing I feel nervous, I could barely open my eyes and my legs feel very heavy. There is pain, I definitely feel pain. I am in a bright room, suddenly a wail. I just had a son. Wow, a son. The nurse brings him over to me and all I see is a tiny purple thing that resembles a prune. He is not beautiful and my heart did not melt at the mere sight of him. I honestly do not remember crying of joy or feeling the “change” that is supposed to happen the second you see your newborn baby.

    I did not see my son, Stephen, again for the next 3 days. He was born premature, 4 pounds 3 ounces and had to be kept in an incubator for a few days. I had my own troubles after giving birth so I definitely did not miss him much. Sounds cruel but it is true. I had preeclampsia and had been in bed rest since my first trimester. Stephen was a twin and everything was going fine in my second month till September 11th happened. I am a New Yorker and watched the whole thing live. I cried desperately for hours and kept crying for the next 2 days without sleep. Well, that had its consequences. I started bleeding and there went Stephen’s twin. Stephen held on to dear life I guess and I had to stay in bed rest until I gave birth on February 16th.

    I was finally home. I missed my bed. So comfortable until my little boy decided he was hungry. I was not used to the whole getting up to feed him so it took me a while to get up and do his bottle. It was all fine, until night came and I had to get up every two hours to feed him. That was not good.

    It has been 7 years and a few days since that happened and I truly do not know what would have been of me without my boy. I can not imagine my life now without my boy. He is my strength, my joy, my life. Now I remember those days with happiness. My boy has taught me patience. My boy has taught me to love unconditionally. He has taught me to love and give without expecting anything in return. He has taught me to always have kind words even when everything seems to be going down the drain. He taught me to slow down and pay attention to the world around me. He also reminded me how to enjoy mud pies (making them, not eating them!) enjoy playing jump rope and how much fun running without care, for plain fun can be. Until I had my boy, I did not know one could cry for someone else’s pain. I would hurt if he hurt. I want to make the world a better place just so he could live in a better place.

All that comes with motherhood. Not perfect. Not a fairy tale. But it is the best thing that could happen to a woman.